My name is Yasmin.My last name is Sanjari.I'm twenty years old.I'm from Tehran ,capital city of Iran.I was born on 16th of December on 1990.I finished my high school in Iran.
I have two brothers and one sister.My father past away when I was seven years old.My mother is retired.My mother and my brothers are lives in Iran and I'm live in Malaysia with my sister.
Four years ago I decided go to Malaysia for study English and go to university.And now I've been live four months.I study English because I want speak very well and for go to university I must speak English.And now I went to Academic class because writing and reading are very important for university.
I want take an IELTS at British Council, and after take an IELTS maybe go to American for study at university.
I like sport very much and my favourte sport is swimm because I've been swimming since I was two years old.Every day I go swimming after my English class,because sport is very good for health.
I'm reading book and do my homework and watching TV in my free time , because read the English story and watch a English movie are very good practice for speaking English. I hope my English to be better soon.
Hi Yasmin
ReplyDeleteThank you for telling us about yourself. I can see that you already have some very good ideas about learning English. You have obviously thought about how to organise your ideas in this writing - good job.
In English, we usually want a paragraph to be 60-100 words. Some of your paragraphs are quite short, so perhaps you could combine some of your paragraphs that are similar. I would use three paragraphs for this writing - personal things about you, learning English, hobbies/sport. You could edit this and make those changes.
Something else that could improve your writing is to have a variety of short and long sentences. In paragraph 1 you have a lot of very short sentences. Why not join some of them. For example: My name is Yasmin Sanjari and I am twenty years old.
I hope those ideas help. See you next Monday!
Mary
Swimming since two years old? Great!
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