Education in university have a lot of advantages ,alt ought you can not gain it easily. First of all,if you educate
in high level,you have more choices to get a new job,and you can earn more money,too.For example,if you
have master degree your salary probably more than other people with bachelor.Second,you learn
democracy in university.You consider about different ideas and believes, it is possible you get on well
with people that they have different ideas of you.So you learn how you can respect to other views.Finally,you
can have a good prestige in society with university education.For instance,people respect to a doctor more than
ordinary employees.It is clear university education get an opportunity us to live in a better way. SAMANE
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Hi Samane
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing on the blog. You have organised this paragraph very well. In terms of content, ideas and organisation, you would score highly. In fact, you have some of the best ideas of people in the class. The biggest problem for you is not having the range of vocabulary and grammar you need to express all those ideas. Generally, translating is a bad idea! When I read a sentence and it sounds weird in English - it's usually because students have translated.
I'm going to write your paragraph here as I would say it - as a native speaker. Notice the phrases/grammar that are different.
You cannot gain a university degree easily, but there are many advantages to tertiary education. First of all, if you are educated
to a high level,you have more job choices and you can earn more money too. For example, if you
have a master's degree your salary will probably be more than other people with a bachelor's. Second, you develop a more open mind at university. You consider different ideas and beliefs, and it is possible to get on well with people who have different ideas from you. Therefore you learn how to respect other people's views. Finally, you can have prestige in society with a university education. For instance, people respect a doctor more than
ordinary employees. It is clear that a university education give us an opportunity to live in a better way.
Look at this very carefully and notice all the changes from your one. I can see that you are using a range of vocabulary, but when you use the words, you know the meaning, but you don't know how to use them in a sentence. For example - respect. It's a good idea to use a dictionary that has good example sentences and check these. The Longman online dictionary is a good one to use for this.
Well I hope that is helpful. You can ask me about anything you don't understand.
See you tomorrow.
Mary