I'm from Iran,and I was born in Tehran.There are four of us in my family.I'm elder than my sister,my father is a retired of public radio and tv and my mother is a housewife.
I'm get on well with them and I really miss them.I'M optimistic and
I'm good temper with people,and if I like something I'm very hardworking.
I adore to painting and music and I really keen on learning both of them. I spend much time chatting with my friends and it's not good point in period of time,because I'm here to learn English,just that.I've been in Malaysia since 27th of January and I think stay here almost one year.
I have some reasons to learn English.At first English is the international language and if I want keep in touch with people all around the world I should learn it.At the other hand i need to ilets score to apply in some universities.I need to get more than 6 band in my ilets exam.
At the end I have a lot of plans for my future,but at the moment some of them are more important for me.I want to study in interior architecture and other thing that is very important for me immigrate to other country.I prefer Canada,because I think this country get me an opportunity to improve my talents and my interests,and it's a huge country and majority of population are immigrants.
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Hmmmm who are you? That's a mysterious introduction.
ReplyDeleteWell mystery student, I can see that you have some good vocabulary and that will help you a lot with IELTS.
There are some phrases that we need to correct. Check these ones:
I adore painting ...
I spend a lot of time ... (much is for negative sentences)
It's not good at this point in time ...
I have some reasons for learning ...
First of all, ...
to apply to some universities ...
On the other hand,...
Why don't you edit your introduction and make these changes. You could also tell us your name!!
Mary
I forgot to say, you organised your writing well into paragraphs. You obviously thought about this and it makes it much easier to read. Well done!
ReplyDeleteWhen you're typing on the computer, don't hit the enter key until you want a new paragraph. You should just keep typing and let the computer move to a new line when it wants to.
Thanks for writing on the blog.
Mary
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteit's obvious that you learn about academic writing before and you know wide rang of vocabularies.
ReplyDeletein my opinion,you should use from the academic vocabulary in a better way.
i chose u to make comment due to your essay was more stonger than others
thanks to your attention
king
That's a fair comment 'King' based on it being an Academic Writing course, but you always have to think about who you are writing for. In this case, you were writing for your classmates so it wasn't necessary to use academic or formal vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteI'm pleased to see you are reading and commenting on the BLOG :)
Mary
Hi Mary.i'm sorry,i forgot to writ my name.I consider about my problemes and I pay attention to them more than past.thanks for your advice.
ReplyDeleteOh again I forgot.I'm Samaneh:)
ReplyDelete