A person I admire
He's clever, loyal, kind, and hard-working and he's my best friend from USA. He's the person I admire most and his name is Mr.Jim. We shared lived and studied in same room with other friends while i was studied in NASA. And we has wonderful times together. One thing I particularly admire about Mr.Jim is his attitude to work. He is very hard-working. In additional, he is always thinking of others. He was pushing me and supporting me every time when I was study there and make from me one of the best intelligent student there we was 50 students from his support I arrived to the top of them and I still at this level a long time. He also develop my experience in all life parts.
Mr.jim is a rare and special man and he has a big space in my heart until now. he really is an amazing man.
hey i'm chen ur guys can call me Jesse, my English name, here were some sentences that could be better if wrote in the following ways.
ReplyDelete1.We shared lived and studied in same room with other friends while i was studied in NASA
-We shared living and studying spaces with other friends while i studied in NASA.
2. In additional(F) - in addition(T)
3.he is always thinking of others.
-He always put himself last.
4. He was pushing me and supporting me every time when I was study there and make from me one of the best intelligent student there we was 50 students from his support
(hope that's the meaning u want to express)
-He is always willing to help me in any situation, however, i'm one out of fifty students who recieved help from him.
5.He also develop my experience in all life parts.
-he gives all his experience in every part of life without reservations.
6. he has a big space in my heart until now.
-He hold a speclal place in my heart all the time.
Hope that would be useful
Hi Khaldoon
ReplyDeleteI like this paragraph because you have clearly learnt some useful phrases and you are using them to describe your friend. Is this actually a piece of writing you did somewhere else? To think about:
1 The linking phrase is - 'In addition', or you can also use 'Additionally'.
2 Review PAST CONTINUOUS - while I was studying ...
3 Don't repeat words eg hard-working. Can you think of a synonym? Maybe diligent. Thanks for your contributions on the BLOG.
Mary
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mary,
ReplyDelete